Every now and then, a game comes along that gets terrible reviews from everyone that plays it. For some reason though, that game catches your eye. "I've read reviews that I have disagreed with before. This game looks sweet and I'm gonna buy it." You say. Primal Image is that game, and I am guilty of being excited about playing it. Primal Image is one of those games that will never come out in the United States, or Europe for that matter. It's been deemed too Japanese for our tastes. What they mean to say is that this game is too pathetic to release anywhere in the world. I am truly embarrassed that I was looking forward to this game, as it is basically nothing more than a "playable" (I use that term loosely) demo. Please read on and discover the not so wonderful world of Primal Image.

A game is not a game without gameplay, so that is where we shall start on our voyage. The premise of the game is to take picture of models, 3 female and 1 male, and score points for the pictures that you take. Choose your model: Yoki, Anna, Non, or Nobu. Each one has three costumes from which to choose such as: bikini, schoolgirl, leather, French maid, and some normal outfits. Four models seem like a very limited selection to me, and I am quite sure that more could have been fit on this disc. At the selection screen you are also able to choose different moods for your shoot, ranging from a cheerleader type performance to a shy, or a mildly suggestive shoot. Other than the suggestive shoot there is not a huge amount of difference in the actions that they perform for the camera. After setting your options you are taken to the set. Depending on the mood you choose you are taken to a nightclub, pool, or a bedroom. Don't get all excited about the bedroom, it is reminiscent of Toy Story, everything is oversized and cartoony. Once the shoot starts this game falls apart. You are given a whooping TEN seconds to capture the essence of your subject. Ten seconds? That's it. In that ten seconds you are allowed only six shots, and did I mention that you cannot control the camera? The developers threw in a token button where you can choose from three different angles, but the angles are constantly changing as the auto camera zooms around the room on its own.
The models do their own thing seemingly unaware that a camera is flying around their face. Maybe this computer-controlled camera would not be that bad, except that at any given point all three angles could be from the top of the ceiling as your model lies face first on the ground. You get almost no points for anything that is not a close up of the face, so that begins to be quite a problem.
After subjecting yourself to a suprisingly painful ten seconds, you are taken to review your photos. Here the game continues to induce frustration. All that the game shows you after shooting your pictures are all six pictures on one screen. You can imagine how small they are. Even on my 27-inch TV they were pretty worthless. What makes this even worse is that you cannot save your favorite pictures to look at in an album. Even Pilotwings64 allowed you to do this, and it is an unforgivable oversight.

The game scores you in "bits". Each picture is judged by how close to the models face you were, and if she was doing anything enticing, like waving. Every 1000 "bits" you are given an item that can be added in. These bonus items include: a guitar, beach ball, lawn chair, a skateboard, and other odd items. On a side note, when the game gives you the beach ball the rotating graphic looks just like the hologram Deathstar model in StarWars. It is rather pathetic. Your goal is to reach 9999 points with each model. Each shoot yields a maximum of 600 points, and you are given unlimited continues making this game easy enough that a monkey could button mash his way through it.

The other interactive part of the game is the ability to take your model and pose them with the items you have earned. I know you are saying " Great! I can pose a girl in a bikini, and I can give her a microphone stand?!" Yes, you certainly can. This is the part of the game where you have the most freedom. You can bend your models' hands, lower arm, upper arm, chest, head, legs, and feet. Don't get too cheeky with the hands or you will find yourself with a screenfull of static and a gameover. After you are done posing your model, you can actually save this scene and look at it later. As for gameplay, that's all she wrote.

Next on our trip through Primal Image, we will take a look at the graphics. A modeling game would not be much without nice looking models, and this is one aspect in which the game does not disappoint. Each character is nicely detailed and has its own unique look. You are able to zoom quite close to the models and this is all done in real time, which makes it all the more impressive. The models' bodies and clothing are all realistic in their look and movement. You will not be able to pose them in any physically impossible poses, although these models are rather flexible. The game environments do not really live up to the standard of the models they are containing. Each level looks slightly cartoonish, and is a bit sparse on the detail. Perhaps the programmers wisely decided that detail in the characters was more important than the background. Overall the game has a good look to it, which is probably why I wanted it in the first place.

The next stop on our tour is the audio realm. The sound in this game is average at best. Your model says something when you choose different options; these saying were all in Japanese so I was not able to understand them. As you shoot there is some light background music that plays, it neither adds nor subtracts from the game. Each tune loosely captures the feel of the room you are in, such as dance music in the club. As you take a picture you are treated to a rather generic shutter noise, and when your time is running low you will hear an annoying beeping sound.

Primal Image is simply not fun to play. It seems like it was developed as a demo to show off the graphics capabilities of the Playstation2, and then somebody thought they could add a camera gimmick to make a game. Other than some attractive model graphics, this game brings nothing to the table. After playing this game for 15 minutes I was sickened and did not want to play any more. Unfortunately I had to play this game for hours just to make sure that it was terrible, in hopes of preventing one of you loyal readers from purchasing it. It has been a long time since I have played a game this devoid of fun and gameplay. Avoid it at all costs. If you have already ordered this game, wrap it up and give it to someone you hate for Christmas.